


At Least Fires are Warm

by fqllve



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Humanstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-18
Updated: 2013-08-18
Packaged: 2017-12-23 21:27:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/931272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fqllve/pseuds/fqllve
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sollux takes Aradia to a fancy restaurant, but things do not go quite as smoothly as he'd like.</p>
            </blockquote>





	At Least Fires are Warm

**Author's Note:**

> This is dedicated to someone wonderful.

“Ok,” Sollux said to himself as he looked in the mirror, “not too bad.” He ran his hands down his chest, smoothing his tshirt, then adjusted the way it hung from his shoulders before smoothing it again. This time his finger found something sticky near the bottom. He rubbed his thumb against it; it was almost transparent but he knew what it was. “Fucking christ sx, you festering pile of hateloaf, who do you think you're fucking kidding? You can't go to a restaurant smothered in honey looking like you just pranced out of a teaparty for thumb-fucked morons.” He pulled the shirt off, tossed it across the room, and collapsed on his bed.

“You should have planned what you were gonna wear before you asked her.” He sighed and looked over to his alarm clock. Five thirty, an hour before he was supposed to meet Aradia. “What the fuck do you even wear to a nice restaurant? A suit?” Sollux didn't have any suits. He'd rented a tux for a cousins wedding once, but it wasn't like he had it anymore. Besides he thought that would probably be a little too fancy. He sighed again and pushed his alarm clock off the nightstand.

He knew he could ask Karkat for advice but no, no he wasn't going to grovel to that sanctimonious asshole. It wasn't like he was really the romance guru he thought he was anyway, he was too cowardly to even admit his feelings to Terezi. He might have had some good advice but Sollux wasn't going to give him the pleasure.

Sollux placed his hands on his nightstand ready to push it over in frustration, but before he did his body went limp. Dejected he stumbled out of bed and over to his closet. It didn't really matter which shirt he chose, did it? He tore one from its hanger and slipped it over his head then sat cross-legged on the floor. “Doesn't matter what you wear anyway sx, you could dress like you're out of GQ and you'd fuck it up some other way.” Sollux fell backwards and spent the next twenty minutes explicating the ways he hated himself.

  


*** 

  


The door opened and there was Aradia in the most beautiful red dress he'd ever seen. It followed her curves tightly til the waist, after which it fell down like the thick curls of her black hair. Sollux didn't know how to respond, he just stood there for a moment absorbing it all before he was ready to speak. “Geez aa—er, Aradia, you look beautiful.”

Aradia giggled at him and tugged at his shirt playfully. “And you look like you always do.”

“Er yeah. I didn't really have anything nicer to wear.” Sollux wasn't sure if he was blushing but he looked down to hide it anyway.

“Relax, Sollux, I was just teasing. I didn't expect you to own any suits or anything.”

That made Sollux feel a little better but he still worried he was an under-dressed piece of shit, and he knew that when people saw him next to Aradia they would think he was too.

He pushed those thoughts from his mind as best he could. “We'd better hurry. Our reservation is for seven.” Aradia said goodbye to her parents and followed Sollux to his car. The whole way he had to force himself not to turn around and gape. “Holy hell sx,” he thought to himself, “it's not like you're some bulge-fondling toddler who's never seen a pretty girl before. Keep you're cool and she'll think she's lucky to have someone as rad as you to take her out. You could go dressed as in a monkey suit and no one would say a goddamn thing cause they'd be worried you'd hack the vibrator they've been hiding from their wife the last eight months. Doesn't matter what you wear just how you wear it.” That might have all been true, but somewhere Sollux knew he wouldn't be some cool master hacker, he'd be a twatsponge with a lisp so bad he could barely pronounce his own name.

  


*** 

  


They second they stepped into the restaurant Sollux's fears were confirmed. Even the front was fancy. An iron chandelier hung from the ceiling and whispered a pale orange light across the room. Even the latticework doors separating the dining area were made of ebony. The whole room was themed on the play between dark and light. It was something Sollux could appreciate.

“Hello sir, what can I do for you?” the maitre d' said as they stepped up to his podium. Sollux wasn't sure if he had ignored Aradia because she was a woman or if he was too busy scrutinizing the miscreant hacker in front of him. Either way he didn't like it.

Aradia responded as if to spite him. “We have a reservation under Captor, thank you.”

The maitre d' turned his head to her, but his chin was lifted so high it couldn't be said he turned his glance. Then, in his most patronizing voice he said “I'm sorry miss but we have a dress code here. Your companion will at least need a jacket.”

"Oh that's b—" Sollux began to say but was interrupted by Aradia's gentle hand on his shoulder. He refrained from saying it but not from thinking it. Fuck this place. These fuckers would try to fish the wallet from a person's back pocket with their teeth all the while gushing about the exquisite perfume wafting off their fetid asshole. But you come in wearing a t-shirt and all of a sudden your money isn't even good enough to make a salad out of. He wanted to take Aradia by the arm and go someplace where they wouldn't be scoffed at two seconds after they walked in the door, but he didn't. "Jesus, I'm such a fucking coward," he muttered underneath his breath.

“Do you have any jackets to loan out then?” Aradia asked while Sollux was in the middle of his brooding.

“Oh yes, of course we have house jackets. If you'll follow me sir.

The maitre d' led Sollux off to a small closet which he dipped into and re-emerged holding a large, somewhat tattered, green blazer with a red and white diamond lining and an A stiched on the breast pocket with bee's wings. In other words it was ugly as fuck and Sollux couldn't imagine who in their right mind would make such a thing. “Yes, this should fit,” he said handing it to Sollux who begrudgingly put it on.

They walked back to the podium with Sollux basically swimming in fabric. He shot an annoyed glance over to Aradia but she pretended not to notice. “Alright then. If you'll follow me to your table.” The maitre d' grabbed two menus and stepped into the dining area with Sollux and Aradia behind.

Sollux knew immediately why a jacket was required. All the other patrons were very well-dressed, a table in the corner by the window even looked like they had come straight from a wdding. Sollux instantly went from resentful to self-loathing. He was insane to think they'd let him in a restaurant like this dressed as slobbishly as he was. That didn't stop the jacket from being uncomfortable. In fact, it seemed to only make it moreso.

The maitre d' stopped at their table and even pulled the seat out for Aradia. “I hope you two have a superb evening and enjoy your meal. Your waiter should be here shortly, but if you have any questions or request please, do not hesitate to ask me.” Then he handed them their menus and they sat down.

Sollux hung his head and while he was technically looking at the menu he wasn't actually reading anything. Aradia, meanwhile, was scanning over hers cheerfully. She laughed a little bit, her bright laugh that couldn't help but cheer him up. “Apparently they serve suckling pig here. I wonder if you have to tell them you want that beforehand. And wow is it expensive.”

“Don't worry about the price, aa,” he said, concealing his feelings as best he could.

“It's two hundred fifty dollars.”

“Holy sh—“ he started to say but covered his mouth, “shell scripts. Yeah, let's not order that.”

“Aww, I was hoping to be able to look my food in the eye.” She smiled playfully at him but Sollux wasn't sure how much of a joke that was.

Aradia spent the next few minutes looking over her menu and Sollux staring at his until shortly the waiter came. He was short with a mop of black hair, but otherwise he was impeccably dressed. “Welcome to L'Abeille,“ he said, “my name is Alain and I will be your waiter for the evening. Have you decided on your meals?” They both shook their heads. “Well may I recommend our spider crab? We just got a fresh shipment from Brittany so it's quite the delicacy. It's served with a ponzu sauce and shellfish jelly marinated in seaweed. It's quite an opportunity and I would whole-heartedly suggest you give it a chance if sounds appealing.”

“No thank you,” Aradia said, “if I want crab I'll just listen to Karkat talk for a couple hours.” She shot Sollux a smirk and he reciprocated, wishing Karkat could have been there to witness it. “No I was thinking more the duck confit.”

“Ah, that is an excellent choice. It also comes with a selection of vegetables sauteed with the confit and a duck demi-glace. It's magnificent, if I may say so.” Aradia nodded and handed him her menu. “And the sir?” he asked, turning to Sollux.

Sollux wasn't really ready yet but he just ordered the dish he was looking at not wanting to postpone anything. “I'll have the wild salmon.”

“Ah, that is served with grilled almonds and cedrat and has be basted in an orgeat syrup. I think you'll quite enjoy it.” The waiter took Sollux's menu and went off to the kitchen.

The two of them sat there in silence for a while after he left. It wasn't like Aradia to be so quiet so Sollux knew she had sensed his melancholy. It wasn't exactly as if he had done a great job of concealing it. He knew, even with that, it was only a matter of time before she spoke though.

“I don't think I'd want to eat anything called a spider crab,” she finally said, “it reminds me too much of if Vriska and Karkat had kids. And that's terrifying.”  
Sollux couldn't stop himself from laughing. “Thank god I don't think that'll ever happen.”

“Can you imagine a bunch of toddlers running around telling everyone to put their fuckoffs down their shout holes then trying to stab them in the shins with their pacifiers? They'd take over the world in a week.”

“I don't think vk's interested in guys though, so we don't have to worry about her having any children. As long as she doesn't adopt.”

“Nope. She totally is. Haven't you seen the way she looks at Tavros?”

"Yeah, like a spider about to devour its prey. She torments the hell out of that kid.”

Aradia grinned, “Well I wouldn't expect you to understand romance. Then again you talk to Karkat all day so you should have at least picked up something.”

“Yeah, I picked up that for a guy who claims to know so much about romance his love life's a smoldering pile of dust. I probably no more about romance than kk. It's just like algorithms really, you take certain steps and you get certain outcomes. Just like everything else.”

For a few moments Aradia stared at him with that enthralled smile she had, the kind where it felt like she was studying you, like she was half detached from the situation, making mental notes on your behavior. At length she said “Wrong! You couldn't be more wrong. It's cute though. Just like you to say. The problem is you can't always predict how people are going to react to what you do, Sollux.”

“You can if your algorithms are good enough.”

“Oh can you?” Her smile turned mischievous which left Sollux even more unnerved. “I bet you couldn't predict saying that would make me do this.” And with that she knocked over the candle at the center of their table. Immediately the tablecloth caught fire.

“Jesus christ aa!” Sollux jumped up from his chair and folded the tablecloth onto itself, stamping out the fire with his hands. Aradia just giggled.

He sat down with relief wondering what the waiter would say when he saw. Sollux resolved to lie and say it was an accident. That was when he realized everyone in the room was still panicking. He looked around to see half a dozen other tables were on fire and the fires were already too large to be put out the way Sollux had just did theirs. He looked back to Aradia who was gain staring at him with that detached look.

He didn't have time to be bothered by it now. He grabbed Aradia by the arm, lifted her from her seat, and led her out through the throng of escaping patrons before anything could get any worse.

And so they stood there in the street watching the fire grow. And grow was all it did. The firefighters who eventually arrived expressed disbelief at their inability to put it out. That was how Sollux knew, it was his fault. It was his psychic powers that had caused this and made the fire unquenchable. His only consolation was that no one was seriously hurt. God damn him. Why couldn't he keep them under control?

“I'm sorry aa. Our date is ruined.”

Aradia didn't turn, just continued to watch the swelling flames, transfixed. “No it isn't Sollux. Not at all. Look at it; it's beautiful.”


End file.
